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As I sit here eating left over lasagna and listening to some soft tunes on my media player with new speakers (one of my best Christmas gifts this year), my mind wanders from Holidays past to the most present. Some have been great... while other have been tough to say the least. Although I'm more of “the glass is half full” kinda girl, I cant help but think there were holidays that we're more on the empty side.
Even though this years holidays have been filled with love, gathering, and gifts, there always seems to be more that I want to do. The past couple of weeks have been filled with thoughts of parents, siblings, and children. Even though most of my children are grown there are so many things I wish I could do for them, and at times it saddens me to know that right now there just isn't anything I can do. I try to concentrate on the small children this time of year... the ones who still believe... the ones who rely on the rest of us to create a happy, healthy environment.
I remember growing up and never wanting for anything. I know it was a much simpler time, but the holidays were always filled with the warmth of family and giving. I have memories of building snow men, snow ball fights, and sledding... I don't know how we dealt with the cold, but back then... the cold didn't matter. We were young, and life was about fun! I think children grow up too fast these days. I think children should be enjoying friendships, and playing out doors... like we did. I remember I never heard my parents fight when I was a child... that's one thing I don't think children should have to deal with. It's so easy for couples to just terminate their relationships these days and children walk around confused and sometimes blaming themselves for their parents problems. Some things are just better kept behind closed doors. Even though when I was a young child I only saw my dad on the weekends (he worked away from home during the week), I knew he worked hard and provided everything we needed. On the weekends he spent 90% of his time with us kids. We did fun things right at home... we watched chicks be born, we bathed the dog in a wash tub, he built play houses out of refrigerator boxes for us, and bathed us so my mom could have a break. I remember once when I was probably 11 or 12 we had a big storm with snow drifting to the second story of our apartment complex (which my daddy was building for some big wig), and dad and I dug tunnels through the snow, then strung Christmas lights throughout the tunnels. When it was all done and said we just sat there in our giant igloo with colorful lights and enjoyed the peace around us. My children have endured many ups and downs in their life time, and I only wish they will have memories like I do.
These days I only speak to two of my four siblings. I'm not one to kiss anyone's ass, or at least kiss it several times. They know what they have done and therefor will not get the time of day from me... I have more important things to spend my time on... like my children, my business, and happiness for those who deserve it. It's rather sad actually that some people just turn out the way they do.
Most of my children and I spent a wonderful Christmas eve together... great food, good conversation, and the exchange of gifts. A couple children couldn't be here as they live in NY now with their families, but everyone who could be here was here. Almost everyone listened to me this year and we did concentrate on only the little ones when it came to the gift exchange. With as many children as I have it's just too much to try to do for everyone... and if your under 18, then you are still a child in this family. Even my 16 year old did his best to purchase gifts for his younger sister and nieces and nephews. He's leaning the spirit of giving. I started making lasagna when I was 21... my dad loved my lasagna and prompted me to make it every year we were together. So we have made it a tradition to gather on Christmas eve, exchange gifts, and celebrate my dad by having lasagna.
I have a new honey in my life (2.5 years new), and this year we decided that we would also stick with his holiday tradition of a Christmas ham... and we celebrated his Mama at the same time! He contacted his sister and got the recipe' for his mothers scalloped potatoes... they were most excellent! Even though he has a hard time with our tradition, From now on we will follow both customs and enjoy the holiday combined.
My thoughts have also been running forward and going back to college... of course when books start showing up at the door you realize that this is the real deal, and you should be getting prepared. I think that most of my classes will be a breeze as I've taken some of them before (why I have to take them again I don't know), however... Public Speaking will be a definite chore for me! I do not speak in a loud voice, and even hate the thought of raising my voice. Hopefully it will teach me to speak eloquently to the public, and to my clients. That would be the goal anyway. I'm sure my Art classes will be the most interesting and fun for me. I've also had thoughts of traveling as a student during the summer, but I'm afraid that just isn't in my budget right now. In any case I am trying to mentally prepare for the change my life is about to take. Wish me luck!
I also think about my personal relationship, and how my children feel about it. Lets face it no one is getting any younger. I wonder where it is heading... I wonder if this is the way it should be... or does it go somewhere from here? When you've reached 50 plus years should you just relax and enjoy the ride or do you always push for more? Who says you have to fall in love, get married, and have children? I've already done that a couple times... it didn't seem to work out so well.
The photography business has been good to me this year with things moving forward nicely. Sometimes I get impatient and worry when there are lulls... but I'm extremely happy when the highs hit and I'm busy busy busy! It's okay though... next year I will be more prepared for the lows and find some creative marketing to do during those times!
Through the help of loved ones and hard work I have acquired just about everything I need to run a small photography business. Much like my Dad I don't think I ever want to be “big business.” I don't think I could ever imagine anyone else taking the picture... editing the picture... or adding any creative touches to the picture. If I ever did imagine something like that it would be reserved for my children... well, the ones who are interested anyway... and there are a few. :) I would like to thank each and everyone of you who have helped me reach some outstanding goals this year!
Now we are planning for our New Years Eve Party... time to remember the past year, and look forward to the new one!
From My Family to Yours... We Wish You a Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Love, Laughs, and Photographs,
Wendy
